How to Heal From Religious Trauma: 5 Practical Steps That Actually Help

If you've spent any amount of time reading this blog, following me on social media, or sitting with me in therapy, you probably know that I love the deep stuff.

I can happily nerd out on Jungian theory, unconscious patterns, defense mechanisms, transference, projections, attachment wounds, and all the ways our early experiences shape how we move through the world.

But we'll save that for another day.

One thing I tell clients all the time is that there are no easy answers or quick fixes when it comes to healing from religious trauma.

I wish I had a five-step checklist that could undo years of shame, fear, spiritual abuse, or purity culture messaging.

I don't.

So you can imagine the mild panic I felt a few months ago when I received an email asking if I'd be interested in being a guest on a podcast—not just to talk about religious trauma, but to share practical ways people can begin healing from it.

My first thought was:

But it isn't that simple.

How do you condense a complex healing journey that often unfolds over years—with plenty of twists, turns, and sometimes even U-turns—into a handful of practical tips?

I almost declined the invitation.

But after sitting with it for a while, I realized there actually are some common threads.

While everyone's healing journey is different, there are certain things I've watched help client after client as they recover from high-control religion, spiritual abuse, and purity culture.

None of these are simple or fast solutions.

None of them will erase what happened overnight.

But together, they create the conditions where healing can begin.

So that's what this list is.

If you'd like to listen to the full podcast conversation, you can find it here.

Otherwise, let's dive in.

1. Build a New Community After Leaving High-Control Religion

One of the most painful parts of leaving a high-control religious environment is losing your community.

Whether you left because of religious trauma, spiritual abuse, or simply because your beliefs changed, many people don't just lose a church—they lose their entire social network.

Faith communities create connection in a way that's actually pretty difficult to replicate elsewhere.

Think about how much time many people spend together in religious environments:

• Sunday service (2–3 hours)

• Midweek Bible study (2 hours)

• Small group (2 hours)

• Volunteering (3–5 hours)

• Social events, retreats, meals, and gatherings

That can easily add up to 10–20 hours every week spent with the same people.

You're building relationships around a shared identity while often sharing deeply personal parts of your life.

So when someone leaves that environment, the loss can be devastating.

One of the cruel ironies of religious trauma is that the moment you need support the most is often the moment you lose the community that once surrounded you.

A question I hear all the time is:

"Where do I even find my people now?"

The reality is that building friendships outside of religious environments takes more intention—and more patience.

I recently read a study that found it takes around 150 hours for an acquaintance to become someone who feels like a genuine friend. In other words, if you met someone for coffee once a week for an hour, that's almost three years before the relationship starts to feel like a close friendship.

Knowing that doesn't make the loneliness disappear, but it can help set realistic expectations.

You're not failing because deep friendships haven't happened in six months.

Relationships simply take time.

One of the best ways to meet people is through shared interests rather than trying to strike up conversations with strangers at a coffee shop.

Join a hiking club.

Take a pottery class.

Play pickleball.

Volunteer.

Find a book club.

Take a dance class.

Join a crochet group.

The activity itself almost matters less than finding people you'll see consistently over time while doing something you genuinely enjoy.

You won't replace your old community overnight.

That's impossible.

But little by little, you can begin building relationships with people who share your interests, your values, and who allow you to show up as your full self.

2. Learn About Religious Trauma and High-Control Religion

For many people who grew up in high-control religion, most of what they learned about the world came through a very specific theological lens.

Topics like psychology, sexuality, relationships, gender roles, mental health, spirituality, history, and even science were often presented as though there was only one acceptable way to understand them.

Maybe you were taught that anxiety or depression reflected a lack of faith instead of legitimate mental health struggles.

Maybe you were taught that the only acceptable expression of sexuality exists within a heterosexual marriage.

Maybe you were taught that questioning your church, your pastor, or your beliefs meant you were questioning God.

Or maybe you were never taught about concepts like religious trauma, spiritual abuse, coercive control, or indoctrination in the first place.

One of the most empowering parts of healing is realizing that you get to learn from sources outside the system you came from.

Knowledge doesn't erase trauma.

But it does give you power.

And it can help you make sense of experiences that felt confusing, shameful, or deeply personal.

Today, we have access to more information than ever before. Books, podcasts, therapists, researchers, and content creators are helping people understand the psychological impact of high-control religion in ways that simply weren't available a generation ago.

If you're just beginning your healing journey, here are a few resources I've personally found valuable.

Books

• The Wisdom of Your Body

• Holy Hurt

• The Purity Culture Recovery Guide

• A Well-Trained Wife (TW)

• Sex, God, and the Conservative Church

Content Creators

• Erica Smith

• Hilary McBride

• Brittney Hartley

Podcasts

• Heaven Bent

3. Reconnect With Your Body After Religious Trauma

A common experience I see with people healing from religious trauma—especially those impacted by purity culture—is feeling disconnected from their bodies.

In many high-control religious environments, people learn that their bodies are something to distrust.

When emotions like sadness, anger, fear, or desire are framed as spiritual failures, and because we experience those emotions through our bodies, we can unconsciously begin disconnecting from or shutting down those feelings.

Desire, attraction, and sexuality are often framed as dangerous or something that needs to be controlled.

Over time, people learn to disconnect from their own internal experiences.

They learn to ignore their feelings.

They learn to question their instincts.

They learn to override what their body is communicating.

Eventually, they become much better at listening to external authority than they are at listening to themselves.

Part of healing from religious trauma is slowly reversing that process.

This is what therapists mean when we talk about embodiment.

Embodiment is simply the practice of paying attention to what's happening inside you—your emotions, physical sensations, needs, desires, and reactions—without immediately judging, suppressing, or explaining them away.

This might look like yoga, dancing, hiking, breathwork, exercise, massage therapy, sports, or any activity that helps you get out of your head and back into your body.

I've had clients get really into martial arts.

I've gotten really into pickleball.

The activity itself isn't really the point.

The point is finding ways to spend time in your body instead of constantly living in your head.

I will also say that it helps tremendously to make your physical movement social. Being active in a group accomplishes two things at once: building community and practicing embodiment!

4. Set Boundaries That Protect Your Healing

Many people who grew up in high-control religion were taught that prioritizing their own needs was selfish or morally wrong.

They may have learned that being a "good" person meant being agreeable, forgiving, accommodating, or avoiding conflict at all costs.

This obviously makes setting boundaries especially challenging for religious trauma survivors.

But setting and upholding boundaries is an important part of healing.

A boundary is not simply asking someone else to change their behavior.

A boundary is deciding what you will do to protect yourself if that behavior continues.

For example:

"I'm not comfortable discussing my personal life with you."

"I don't want to participate in conversations where people are being talked about in a way that feels harmful."

"I'm not comfortable being prayed over."

And if someone repeatedly ignores those boundaries, you may need to create more distance.

Boundaries are not about punishing people.

They are about creating enough safety in your life and relationships for healing to happen.

One thing I often remind clients of is this:

People who benefited from your lack of boundaries may not like the new ones you're setting.

And while that can be uncomfortable, it also creates space for healthier relationships—relationships where you don't have to abandon yourself in order to belong.

5. Challenge Purity Culture Messages Through New Experiences

If purity culture taught you anything, it probably taught you to be afraid.

Afraid of your body.

Afraid of desire.

Afraid of attraction.

Afraid of making the "wrong" choice.

Afraid that if you trusted yourself, everything would fall apart.

Healing from purity culture requires intentionally creating experiences that contradict what you were taught.

Many people worry that leaving purity culture means they have to immediately swing to the opposite extreme.

But healing isn't about replacing one rigid set of rules with another.

Let me be clear:

You do not need to go out and have a whole bunch of sex to heal from purity culture.

If that's something you want to do, then great! Just know the risks, practice consent, and be safe.

If that's something you don't want to do, also great!

You can begin developing your own relationship with your body, sexuality, and sexual values in many different ways.

For some people, this starts with education.

Reading books about sexuality and relationships from sources outside of religious systems can be incredibly helpful.

Learning about healthy relationships, consent, pleasure, and the body can help replace shame-based messages with more accurate information.

For others, healing may involve exploring sexuality in ways that feel safe and aligned with where they are in the process.

That might include dating, allowing yourself to experience attraction without immediately labeling it as wrong, or even something as simple as reading romance novels that allow you to imagine what embracing your own sexuality could look like.

Especially for queer people who grew up without seeing themselves represented in healthy relationships, having access to those stories can be a powerful part of healing.

What Healing From Religious Trauma Actually Looks Like

If you've noticed a theme running through all five of these suggestions, it's this:

Healing from religious trauma rarely happens through one big breakthrough.

It happens through hundreds of small moments that slowly teach your brain and body something different.

Every time you spend time with people who accept you as you are...

Every time you learn something your former religious environment never allowed you to question...

Every time you listen to your body instead of immediately overriding it...

Every time you hold a boundary...

Every time you make a decision because it reflects your values instead of fear...

You're practicing something new.

None of those moments may feel life-changing on their own.

In fact, many of them feel surprisingly ordinary.

But over time, those ordinary moments begin to add up.

Little by little, you stop organizing your life around fear.

You become more connected to yourself.

And while I wish there really were an easy button or a five-step formula that could speed up the process, I hope these ideas remind you that healing isn't something you either succeed or fail at.

It's something you practice.

One small step at a time.

Ready for More Support?

Healing from religious trauma can feel incredibly isolating, especially if you've lost your community or you're trying to untangle years of shame, fear, or purity culture messaging on your own.

The good news is that you don't have to figure it all out by yourself.

If you're looking for more resources, I invite you to explore the other articles on my blog, where I write about topics like religious trauma recovery, spiritual abuse, and healing after leaving a high-control religious environment.

If you're in California, Florida, Idaho, or Missouri, I also offer online therapy for adults and am currently accepting new clients.

You can learn more and request a free consultation below to see if we're a good fit.